Year end reflections…about loss, control, acceptance, joy & gratitude
At this time of year, with the year coming to a close and a decade as well, I have found myself reflecting. This year I’ve known of people who are experiencing loss in many different forms this year. Whether it be the end of a relationship or friendship, death of loved ones, change of workplace, death of pets…whatever form it takes it has made me realise that when this happens to us, we hold on tighter to the things we have in our life. We might hold on tighter to our friends and family. We look for the constant in our lives.
When I lost my Mum, I spent time on my own initially in the sanctuary of my home. Then I spent time with friends and family when I felt ready. When my first marriage ended, I made damn sure that I spent most of my free time with friends. They were my support. When I lost one dog, I held on and cuddled the other one more. When I lost my Dad, I craved my other family members. We want to have those constants with us
I think after experiencing loss, we want to control more. I know for me, as my mum was not diagnosed correctly at the outset, I have been on an unconscious journey, to be in control of my health. It has only been the last 12 months that I have realised the connection to Mum. It has also manifested in me being a little OCD with my daughter’s health. I haven’t wanted to miss anything. However, being so controlling, has contributed to me being rather tense and stressed. I have had to realise that I can’t control everything. I wish I could believe me! But when you focus on controlling so much, you can lose sight of enjoying the moments in life. You are always looking for what is wrong. Then one day you realise that you don’t want to live your life that way. It is exhausting. You want to focus on all the good in your life.
I had a wonderful friend say to me, “Kaz, you have so much to be grateful for!” Yet I didn’t feel it last year. I knew it in my head that I should be grateful but to my very core, I didn’t feel grateful. Have you ever felt like that? You are not alone. Perhaps it was a lightbulb going off, sparking a small flame. Since then I have found being grateful is a wonderful tool for healing. To allow me to move forward with more joy in my life. To allow things to just be! I have a quote near my desk that says “The more I accept life exactly as it is, the more I get to experience true harmony and perfection.”
I really don’t believe in perfection. I don’t think anything is 100% perfect but I do believe that there are truly beautiful moments in our life that need to be treasured as memories if we can stop and acknowledge them. When we accept life, stop controlling it (Yes Karen, that is you!) and let things be. When we practice gratitude for what is happening in our lives, then we can truly see those beautiful moments and be truly joyous and grateful for them. We can also be grateful that we shared time with those that are no longer in our lives.
I hope that you may find the joy, gratitude and acceptance again in your life if you have lost someone or something very special to you this year.
May your new year be lighter, brighter and more peaceful.